Urine Box Plans

Now at last, Underground_Elite brings you these ultrasophisticated box plans for, well, uh, I guess we just kind of bring them for you. After many months of keeping this puppy secret, we here at Underground_Elite have finally come to the consensus that the public oughtn't be kept in the dark from the wrath of Ma Bell, that great telephone company in the sky.

The Urine Box (tm) basically creates a capacitative disturbance between the ring and tip wires in another's telephone headset. I have utilized this to the distinct advantage of the operator of the Urine box and to the disadvantage of the other party involved, hopefully you won't get caught.

Without further a doo, wire this schematic together. Copper wire (or gold) will work best due to its lessened resistance. It might be a good idea to keep the wiring cooled, to further reduce current loss.

                47k ohms         ---------------         .01 uF
    !\    !------/\/\/-----------! SPST switch !----!------)!---------!
    ! \   !                      ---------------    !                 !
    !  !--!                                         !                 ! +
    !  !----------<-!-----!--------/\/\/------------! ! - / _ SPKR DIODE

note1 - VR1 is a three position variable resistor, enabling settings equivalent to 100k ohms, 210k ohms, and 320k ohms (all 110k apart).

note2 - The diodes are silicon-germanium based bipolar RF reducers to limit current polarity reversal. If these are placed backwards the box will not work as intended.

note3 - The speaker will emit low tones when the SPST is closed (ie the box is "ON") and when the settings of VR1 are moved to higher resistance the tone level will increase.

note4 - Place setting evaluation symbols to represet the lowest resistance setting for VR1 to be "STEAM", the second (210) to be "MELT", the third (320) to be "VAPORIZE".

Usage of box.

Use in place of your normal telephone receiver. Do not attempt usage as a regular phone. Call victim by sending tones through speaker with tape recorded noise. Use touch tone sounds as pulse requires electric disruption of line, not just audio. After answer (listen in on SPKR 1) set VR1 to desired strength and let her go. Victim will feel unpleasant sensations in his/her head and will undergo a series of high intensity seizures, not unlike epilepsy, and jointly proportional to VR-1 setting and time induced.

Settings. (The Fun Part)

STEAM. A short -poof- of water vapor condenses within the victim's earpiece, rendering the telephone short circuited and the victim quite dazed.

MELT. Causes structural phase change of receiver (usually reinforced ureaformaldehyde plastic material - high tech). This has the unpleasant bonus of removing the victim's hand.

VAPORIZE. If the victim is particularly nasty, this setting will remove his upper anatomy (if box is enabled properly, that is!). Continued usage of this setting is generally not recommended, as death or other serious injury will accompany.

Disclaimer.

Yes, I will refuse to take responsibility for your incompetence in electrical doings. This includes my reluctance to give court testimony, etc. etc.

Wolfgang von Albatross Attorney at Law, ex Telco employee.